Issue 23: Joy — Adler Clinic Newsletter

In this issue:

There’s a sign on my fridge that says:

“Hey you. You’re doing your best.
And that’s all you need to do.
So enjoy your day.”

I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately.

I’ve been thinking about the pressure we put on ourselves — the pressure to keep up, improve, achieve, and somehow manage all the ordinary demands of living.

Life is hard. It takes work.

If we’re fortunate, sometimes things are a little more relaxed and we seem to ride a wave where everything comes a little more easily. But even then, life is always asking something of us.

There is always some struggle, some challenge. Sometimes only a little. Sometimes a great deal.

We all have dreams, wishes, ambitions, and plans. Sometimes they work out. Often they don’t. We convince ourselves that success only comes through relentless effort — that we have to grind our way towards every goal.

But I’m beginning to rethink that.

Maybe the goal isn’t the goal at all.

Maybe “do your best” is the goal.

Maybe doing your best — honestly, humanly, imperfectly — is enough.

Besides: that’s all any of us really can do.

• • •

Some days your best means showing up full of energy, focused, and enthusiastic. Other days your best means showing up tired, achy, anxious, sleep-deprived, or simply worn out.

But you still showed up! That was your best on that day.

And instead of punishing yourself for not being the person you were yesterday — or hope to be tomorrow — maybe you should hold that in your heart with some kindness.

Because the alternative is exhausting. We grind ourselves down. We deplete our energy, our vitality, and eventually our health — in pursuit of what? Some imagined ideal?

And this is where another idea has been circling around for me: if doing our best is enough, then perhaps we also need to ask whether the way we are living leaves any room for joy.

Alongside this, I’ve been thinking about another idea that isn’t fully formed yet. I’ve started calling it the Joy Factor.

We do so many things simply because they’re habitual. We do them because we’ve always done them, because someone told us they were the right thing to do, or because we’ve convinced ourselves they’re the responsible thing to do.

But how much joy do these things bring into our lives?

• • •

A quick aside: when I talk about joy, I don’t mean hedonism. I’m still not entirely sure what I think about hedonism, but that’s not quite what I mean here.

I believe deeply in responsibility — in taking responsibility for ourselves, for our choices, and for our lives. We should try to live in a way that causes as little harm as possible — to ourselves, to others, and to the world around us.

But! I also think there should be an inherent joy in living.

• • •

I remember years ago telling my aunt that I was cutting sugar out of my diet, so I wasn’t going to have a slice of cake that looked absolutely delicious. She looked at me and said, “Just have the piece of cake. You’re torturing yourself by not having it.”

At the time, I was too rigid. There was a kind of righteousness that comes with youth. So I didn’t have the cake.

Looking back… I wish I’d had the cake.

Because that one piece of cake would probably have added more joy to my life than it would have taken away from my health. It certainly wasn’t going to derail everything I was trying to achieve.

That’s the Joy Factor.

If you’re having an incredibly difficult week and a third cup of coffee is going to bring you a little comfort, maybe have the third damn cup of coffee.

If you’ve spent years trying to lose weight — exercising, dieting, taking herbal medicine, trying every new approach — and you’re exhausted by the struggle, then speaking with your doctor about something like Ozempic may not be “giving up.” It may be one more way of trying to regain your health, your energy, and your life…

Maybe that’s the Joy Factor too.

Life isn’t about finding one perfect answer: life is an equation.

Life is a continual weighing of costs and benefits, of checks and balances, of asking, “What is the wisest decision I can make in this moment?”

Not the perfect decision.

The wisest one.

The decision that allows you to do your best while still leaving room for a little joy. Because I don’t think the purpose of life is to punish ourselves into becoming better people: I think it’s to live well.

People often speak about optimization as if it’s about squeezing more and more out of ourselves. More productive, more disciplined, more efficient.

I don’t see it that way anymore. To me, optimization is about doing your best and making the most of what you already have.

Ironically, I think that’s what real high performance looks like: not endless striving, but sustainable excellence. Performance that you can maintain over time, rather than exhausting yourself through constant striving.

How? By caring for your wellbeing, resting, and leaving space for joy, so that you can continue doing well without burning out.

As I write this, I’m away on vacation. I feel incredibly fortunate to have this time to rest, recover, and reflect. I want to take this moment to thank everyone who has sent such kind and encouraging messages about the next stage of my career. Your support has meant a great deal to me, and I’ve carried those words with me while I’ve been away.

So I’d like to leave you with a simple thought for the summer:

You’re doing your best.

I’m doing my best.

And perhaps that’s enough.

And maybe, somewhere in all of this, there’s room to plant a small seed of the Joy Factor.

Have a wonderful summer! I’m looking forward to seeing many of you over the coming weeks and months.

Stay golden,

Daniel (T’agyol) Adler